So you’ve decided to “branch out.”  Very exciting! But sometimes an affair can provide the wrong kind of excitement...much like a bank heist, it's only fun if you don’t get caught. And NYC may be a big town, but it's a small world, so you can't be too careful. To escape the prying eyes, give of these sexy and/or secretive spots a fling. Our lips are sealed...unlike yours.
 
Red Bench
Reputedly a former mob bar / drug den, this place is still pretty well-equipped for clandestine affairs (or hiring hit men). The vaguely-creepy crimson light barely seeping through the front window will ward off most potential interlopers and, even during happy hour, it’s so damn dark inside that no one can even see what color the benches are. Or what you’re probably doing on them.
The only drawback: It's also so dark, you might not even realize how much you just paid for drinks until it’s too late.
107 Sullivan St., @ Spring St., SoHo, 212.274.9120

Bar Celona
Standing incongruously on one of Williamsburg’s few remaining quiet streets, Bar Celona's foreboding black brick façade makes this look like the sort of place you'd need a visa to get into. Inside, though, is all pleasure: You’ll be aroused by a tranquil fireplace, low-wattage chandeliers, and a slick granite bar…plus tempting tapas, in case you feel like a nibble...of food.
The only drawback: Your liaison here might actually end up becoming a first date.
104 S. 4th St., @ Berry St., Williamsburg, 718.237.7828


‘disiac
Omni-colored with a light-up bar that looks like a huge bag of Skittles, this Hell’s Kitchen hideaway makes its intent pretty obvious. For starters, the martini menu is titled "Liquid Sensations.”  There’s “Tantric Red” sangria on the wine list and $12 will get you a “Chocolate Banana Bondage.”  This is starting to sound like the late night line-up on Cinemax. 
The only drawback: How much of that Tantric Sangria do you think you can endure before you, you know, explode?
402 W. 54th St., @ 9th Ave, Hell's Kitchen, 212.586.9980
 
Blue Owl
Perched in a basement on an enduringly unpopular stretch of 2nd Ave., the Blue Owl can be harder to find than an, um, actual owl. But stealing away is a snap once inside, because the place has more nooks than an English muffin, with plush chairs and couches aligning almost every wall. Only the most owl-eyed will be able to spot you here.
The only drawback: The renowned specialty cocktails here are $6 on Wednesdays, which can also make an empty table hard to spot.
196 2nd Ave., @ 12th St., East Village, 212.505.2583

My Little Secret
You have to admit, a downstairs speak-cheesy in a tourist neighborhood (Little Italy) is pretty much the last place you'd expect to run into Susie Snitch looking to blow up your spot. Plus, it’s surprisingly classy inside, conducive to a glass of wine and covert canoodling. If nothing else, that name sure bodes well.
The only drawback: Your Aunt Gladys from Missouri might stumble in off the double-decker sightseeing bus.
149 Mulberry St., @ Grand St., Little Italy, 646.448.4535
 

Empire Hotel Lobby Bar
It would be impossible to make this list without including a hotel bar, and now that the Ace Hotel Bar has suddenly turned into a total scene, we suggest someplace just ever-so-slightly less du jour.  Thus, to the Upper West you go. With everyone else heading here to ooh and aah on the roof deck, you'll have this pimp-o-licious lobby lounge almost to yourself.   
The only drawback: Expect to hear the "get a room" joke.
44 W. 63rd St., @ Broadway, Upper West Side, 212.265.7400

Lit
The dingy dungeon in the brig of Lit remains an East Village mainstay for dancing and, ahem, other related activities. So whatever it is you’re doing in that impenetrably dark corner, the group of three in that booth next to you is deep into something far more scandalous. 
The only drawback: Any acquaintance you ran into here might awkwardly try to get in on the action.
93 2nd Ave., @ 5th St., East Village, 212.777.7987

Contributors: Marianne Camarda, Kevin Dailey