Bar None 98 3rd Ave. (12th & 13th Sts.)
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Similar to government programs for the needy, Bar None leaves no boozehound behind. The clientele starts drinking early, and this juke joint has one claim to fame—the longest happy hour in the city, which runs from noon until 8pm. Our liver hurts just thinking about it. Barflies who are three sheets to the wind can catch a break with bar fare that soaks up fermented spirits that would otherwise be brewing in their bellies. Cue sticks and plasma televisions have frat boys sprinting to watch/play the big game while double-fisting Buds. At first glance, this dive appears to be for boys only. However, all this testosterone might be the perfect opportunity for love-lorn ladies to put on a tight shirt and pick up a sports-obsessed, badly dressed guy. Hey, ya got to start somewhere. Open daily noon-4am.