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Osteria Cotta: It’s no longer just the Olive Garden that is skilled at providing phony Italian to the masses—faux Italian has become fairly mass in New York. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing if you’re looking for a no-frills night close to home. Featuring Italian-esque dishes from every region of the country (and probably some regions that don’t exist), Osteria Cotta is a dark, loud and clubby uptown haunt that just so happens to serve food. The Italian “bistro” has teeny-tiny plates including cured meats ($6 each), cheeses (3 for $14) and bruschetta ($3 each), as well as meatballs ($9) and fritters ($3 each). The actual “entree” portions of the menu are fairly meager, too, with pizzas that aren’t large enough to be anything more than personal ($11-$14), house-made pastas ($10-$14), and “secondi” running the gamut from roasted chicken ($16) to grilled trout ($17). Nothing is worth writing home about, nor traveling more than few blocks from home for—though if you do, the biggest highlight will be found by sticking in the downstairs wine bar for a glass or seven ($7-$11 each) with the youngish crowd. If you drink enough, and you probably will, you might even forget Osteria’s inauthenticity.